I don't like losing. I hate losing to people I can and have beat. I loath losing to people I can beat in front of people I know. In order to keep my composure and sanity, I just started cracking jokes and not caring - hoping I could bring it back in the DEs. Facing one of my new students put the end to that plan.
Nothing is appreciably different between this year and last - similar financial pressures are present, my diet is about the same, and I am fencing the same number of tournaments (3) in the fall portion of the local season. The only thing is that there is no familiarity between opponents and I am not practicing five nights a week minimum like I did in the past. The coach at SDFA says I look like I know what I am doing, I just come off as REALLY rusty.
The crappy thing is that there are no local tournaments between now and the North American Cup in Kansas City. I have two events there, Division I and Division II. My stretch goals are top 32 in Div I, and a medal in Div II. The first one is looking pretty far out of reach, and the second is possible but difficult. The only thing I can do is practice my butt off between now and then.