Well, if you have been keeping up - Portland wasn't pretty. I didn't fence badly, but there were too many points where I couldn't make an action come together. I literally see what the opportunity is, what will work, and I know what it takes to make it happen - but my body refused to execute.
Since then, work has gotten crazy, I am spending more time with my girl, and I find myself getting tired so easily. All that stress equalled less time at the club, less time working out in general, and yet another disappointing showing.
At the Colorado Divisional qualifiers, I had one goal - qualify for Nationals. Winning would have been nice, but qualifying is all one must do at a qualifer. What that goal broke down to was a decent showing in pools, and winning two DEs. That's it. Nothing to it, right?
I nearly lost the first one. To a new fencer.
It has been so long since I competed, I was beating myself. Thankfully my coach was there to tell me that, and I won 15-14 by just sticking my arm out like I should have been the whole time.
The second DE was more difficult, but I fenced better. I had a solid two touch lead until I felt my legs just SLOOOOOOWWWW DOOOWWNNNN. It was horrible. Actions my opponent couldn't make work in the beginning worked beautifully now. My legs felt like dumb logs, and my sword hand cramped and throbbed as I struggled to keep my en garde credible.
Losing because of fatigue is the worst way to lose. There is no class you can take on fatigue, no pill. it's all on you - and the lack of discipline, training, determination, grit, TheRockness, all those qualities that seperates the badasses from the candyasses.
So, Nationals ain't gonna happen this year. Nor should it have happened, because the last thing I need is a beatdown with a four-digit pricetag (air, hotel, car, registration, food, obligatory rounds of booze with which to celebrate or drown my sorrows). I do have one more decent sized tournament this season, and I am determined to crush bones not my own.
More importantly, this is it. I am sick and tired of complaining about my body and my endurance. I love alcohol, but I can live without rich foods and such. I may not compete every weekend anymore - Colorado and its youth friendly schedule takes care of that - but I can still make the most of everytime I do. My new goal is to remake myself physically into something I can be proud of, so I can cherish each win, and lose with ablomb instead of with pity.